Do you know what it's like to have your bones crushed by a hammer and not scream in pain. That one moment when you try to hold , to tame, to resist the pain that abruptly invaded your calm, your ease. After a while it'll all be okay. Like the beginning, just like you started out. Even misery cant last for long. It'll run in circles..with the other players, maybe they're playing musical chair. As soon as the music stops playing, we've got an emotion that's out while the others quickly place themselves in the chairs. As all the emotions go out one by one, there remains one who gets the last chair. But even then.. they all have to go home. Pack the chairs up, turn the music off and go home.


Where's home though. Where's home.

I live in a world that I don't understand. I dont know how I got here. It's all so overwhelming, I feel my eyes burn I want to sleep but these voices won't stop. Is life a cage and we're birds..our wings are trapped yet we see the open sky and hope to fly away. Without any clear destination in mind - away from here. Are we all built or were we free once. Does freedom exist or is it just a word an illusion. Is this emptiness that Im feeling an illusion too. Or will they give me a name for this in the ward. If I go visit them they'll let me in, into their institution, and there's a part of me that wants to see what its like to kept inside a ward, behind closed doors. Maybe they'll diagnose me. I get mad at myself for thinking these things. Why can't I stop whining. Why can't I enjoy the things money can buy, why don't I get a sense of satisfaction when I see money. I haven't looked at the money I earn I dont feel like looking at it or counting what I have. I dont even think about it. I go on living like this everyday. Something in me is crying, there's something that's trapped deep inside and although I can hear the echoes I don't know how to rescue her, I dont know how to bring her out to this world. But wouldnt that be worse - maybe her world is better than this one, maybe she just misses me. I cant escape this world, there's no way - before I used to think that death is the key. But the voices they've convinced me.I can't escape.

All this ridiculous ranting about how I feel, why even publish this to a blog. I DONT KNOW. Ironically, I know the reaction of most- go out, meet people, socialiZE ...every prescription is an illusion, you cant run away from this. Look for distractions and then you're back to where you were.

All these attachments.. family friends work money medicines drugs alcohol ARE CHAINING YOU.

Im in chains too. But at least I can see all the blood that they've drained out of me, at least I can feel the pain when they're constantly pulling me. Doesnt make a big difference. I dont know what Im saying - can it be because what im feeling is free from description, from words, can it be that this feeling is original

Churn the coil and shove it to the world,
is there a way to quiet the crying child within,
to hold her face and caress her worries away,
to open her palms and show her who she is.

And even when the dark reigns,
all the colors wear off,
I have your hand to hold.

In dino dil mera mujhse hain keh raha,
tu khwaab saja..tu jee le zara

The fog today has hidden the mountain.

You can`t change what people are.. without destroying who they were..

- the Butterfly Effect

So high off the ground,
yet have no place to fall.

frittered here, don't know where i came from.
lost my way, now there's a panic in my heart
i cant find peace under this sky.

Your feet thumps hurt,
please let me grow.

no words

Reply

Dear ____, Hare Krishna.

I don't know what Madira is, but if it is any form of an intoxicant, you can't offer it to Krishna. And if we can't offer it, then it is sin, that is stated in the Gita. We, as His devotees, try to please Him, so we offer Him what He wants. But if we don't, then we are the lossers, not Him. He is never effected by our activities, He is transcendental. But He is witnessing our activities and wishing we would get it together so we qualify for coming back to Him. It has been too long away from Him. It is us who will suffer by our incorrect actions.

We try to accept what is favorable for our Krishna consciousness, and reject what is unfavorable. We are already intoxicated just being in this body and in the material world. Why put more in it and make it worse? In our original consciousness we will be happy, free from the urges of our senses. These restrictions are really the principles of freedom, meant to make us happy--Eternally. So it is always our choice. We need to experience this higher pleasure of spiritual life and then we can get rid of our impure desires. That is done by pracitice of bhakti, beginning with the chanting and hearing of His holy names, engaging in service to Him.

I hope this helps some. I recommend trying to find association which does not engage in drinking, this will help you get over it also. Try substituting it with nice Krishna prasadam, or the chanting.

Sincerely, ___

Five Lessons from a Pencil

“’Fourth: Whenever you make a mistake, correct it immediately. Every good pencil —and this one is no exception—has an eraser at the end. Whenever one makes a mistake with one end of the pencil, one can immediately erase it with the other end. Learn from the pencil that it is not dishonorable to correct mistakes. No, correcting your mistakes is actually your duty. It should be done as soon as you notice the mistake. Truthfully, it is not only a duty to correct mistakes but an honor."

Origin : http://www.krishna.com/en/node/1633

Here are the five lessons of the pencil for you:

• · Lesson 1: Regenerate regularly—physically, mentally and spiritually. Live in sattva.
• · Lesson 2: Discover and execute your unique mission and purpose. Live your dharma.
• · Lesson 3: Always remain connected with your deepest self, the soul. Live in the atma.
• · Lesson 4: Listen to your conscience and correct mistakes. Stay with the higher connection, guided by the paramatma.
• · Lesson 5: Develop your love for God. Live in bhakti.

Please Note: This website has many wonderful lessons from Iskcon and live kirtans - if you believe in Krishna Consciousness, or want to believe in it - this website is the best place to start.

http://www.mediafire.com/?wynist1xnzz

Chapter Nine

Found

"The house is old, not run-down but simply ravaged by the passage of time. It is a shadow of its former glory where the last bits of gold-flecked paint can be seen flaking from its trim work. For this it is mostly bare, weathered away to naked wood in most places and faded to a washed out monochrome in the rest. It is fully furnished and the table always set though no one dines and only one person lives within.

He is both a caretaker and a prisoner here, free to leave at any time and yet unable to go. He keeps company with the former residents who haunt every room of the old house. He is fascinated by the myriad lives they represent, the things they can tell and the warnings they give.

There is a particular room in this house with grand windows which become awash in sunlight at certain times of day; so brilliant you cannot even see beyond their panes. This room is empty save for a single old high-backed chair and a small end table which face towards the windows. The chair, adorned in velvet and gilded detail, would’ve been a priceless antique in its better days, now it was falling apart at the seams and had worn almost threadbare on its faded upholstery. The table is always set with a clean ashtray, a pack of black cigarettes and an old lighter.

In this place, at that time of day, the man comes to sit. He settles into the old chair and helps himself to the cigarettes while gazing out into the blinding light which pours into the room. Transfixed, he smokes while the ghosts emerge from the shadows of the rest of the house all around him. If he were to turn to them, they would disappear, so he simply looks to the light and waits for them to speak."

I have never read something so beautiful before.

About Me

Hello.
We didn't have a proper introduction. I'd like to tell you more about myself.
Since i'm under the influence of Mike's hard lemonade.. I'd like to say some things about myself.

• I was born when the moon was balsamic
• My life is a bit weird
• I am a bit..well a bit more weird than the rest
• Im very happy right now..
• I like alcohol. I think i'm in love with it.
• I can astro profile anyone!

this post is ridiculous :p i dont care hell im so damn happy right now i feel like jumping off a cliff. i love myself, i love my life

i believe..and i'll go on believing.

i dont care what you think of me, you cant judge me because you cant feel me, you cant see me.. you dont understand me, you're not with me when i smile , you're not with me when i'm down.

I know i'll be alright. i know i'll go on living.. i know i'll smile.

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Disturbia

Within

Bits and Pieces

Where To From Here

The Meaning of Time

Reasons

Like a carved candle will still melt when it's burned

I can't stop believing now, I have to go on believing for a long time.

Ice Cream

I wanted ICE CREAM!
For the past few days I've been moody about food, that never has happened before. I still dont complain about food but I've been starving myself just because I dont feel like eating :p
I finally found Ice cream! I feel like I've reborn again :D

But now that I think about it, I didn't really want ice cream. Switching back to starvation mode. Sighs.